Secret
by Shimegami
Summary: Woo! Tis finished!! PG-13 for shonen ai/yaoi.
1.

Secret  
By Shimegami  
Warnings: Shonen Ai, Dark, Angst, Xelloss thinking  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.  
AN: Some of you may wondering why I'm not continuing my multipart series fanfics. The problem is that I have major writer's block for them. And until  
I get my muse back, I will continue to write pointless small stories like this one. If you have ideas, please, tell me!!   
  
Secret  
  
I sit in a tree, watching them. Like I always do. Like I always will. Lina sleeps strangely peaceful, no dreams for her tonight. Gourry simply lays on his back and  
snores. I wince slightly as the horrendous sound hits my sensitive Mazoku ears. I wonder what it would be like to be brainless like him, to just accept  
life as it is, and float along with no worries...no, Gourry does have worries. But they all center around Lina and his sword. As long as both are  
in his sight, he really doesn't have any worries. Yes. Being brainless would be nice.  
  
But I'm not brainless.  
  
I sigh, and turn my ever-closed eyes to Amelia. The justice-obsessed leech...er, princess sleeps like she is awake. She thrashes about horribly, spurting  
meaningless justice speeches to dream opponents. To live a life of justice. How foolish. Justice doesn't exist. The Golds believed in  
it, even when they did unjustly things themselves, they always believed that in the end, justice. So I had to teach them that there was no  
justice. I had to punish them for teaching me what hope is. I hate them. The princess flips over, yelling something about smiting  
bandits with the Hammer of Justice. To always have hope...to always believe. I admire her for that; her tenacity to cling to her perfect world  
without seeing or acknowlegding the real one. I wish she would wake up and see...no, don't wake up little princess. Stay in your perfect world,  
where justice exists and good prevails. Keep your eyes closed to the dark, dreaming of light. L-sama knows that's what I should have done.  
To believe in justice would be very nice indeed.  
  
But I don't believe in justice.  
  
My attention turns to the last one of our group, and the most painful. Zelgadis was curled up in a small ball, despite the heat, and whimpering softly.  
I sigh. Another nightmare. Rezo really did leave an emotional scar on the boy. My closed eyes wandered over him. He truly is beautiful, to me, at least.  
But he would never believe me. I'm just a fruitcake to him. I wish I could cure him, make all his pain go away. But he hates me. I didn't  
know I could. That is, until I met Zelgadis. This had scared me, the affinity I had felt for the chimera, and had consulted my mistress. I wish I hadn't.  
She told me things I had forgotten, or maybe wanted to forget. I remember now. I was human once. Long ago that if I went to my birthtown,  
all that would be left was wilderness. So long. And so I could love. And I loved Zelgadis. He turns over in his sleep, suddenly peaceful, nightmares of Akahoushi Rezo  
gone for now. I wonder what caused. For a brief moment I toy with the idea that he could feel my love and was reassured by it, then I dimiss the  
idea as foolish. Stupid Dragons, teaching me to hope for something I could never have. Stupid, stupid Dragons. No, I must forget my love. I con't be human anymore.  
I can't have feelings. I know it's hopeless. I will continue to feel. A demon with feelings. A nightmare come to life with thoughts of love.  
No, I'm not a demon. I can't be one when I'm in love. I'm not a nightmare. Not anymore.  
  
But...  
  
But I am a secret.  
  
~Owari~  
  
AN: I couldn't resist the ending!!!! So...reviews? Flames? Chocolate-covered Zelgadis? 


	2. We Are

We Are  
By Shimegami  
Warnings: Angsty, Dark, Zelgadis thinking, shonen ai  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.  
AN: The sequel to "Secret". I promised one to the Zel/Xel Yaoi ML. ||^_^|| So here it is.  
  
We Are  
  
They're all idiots.  
  
Lina shrieks and fireballs Gourry for stealing a bite to eat. Why? Does she want him to starve? If he didn't steal stuff from her, he would never get enough to eat.  
I pull my hood down farther, trying to hide form the stares that Lina-tachi draw every meal time. I pick up my coffee cup and stare into it. The dark liquid almost  
hides my face, but not enough. I can still see myself. I sigh. I hated Rezo for doing this to me. When we killed him, I felt nothing but pleasure for his death.  
But then he helped us, even when we had killed him. He probably saved all of our lives.  
  
Now I'm not so sure I hate him.  
  
I feel the nearing of body warmth, and shift so that Amelia's grab for my arm misses. She can't take a hint. Yeah, I save her, but then again it's because I can't   
stand to see her hurt. I don't love her, not that way. I would never want that. She is my sister I never had. To love her like that...it would feel like commiting  
incest for me. I can't do that to her. But if I told her that, she would be hurt. So I sit and stay silent, removing my arm from her grasp occasionally.  
  
Who could hurt their own sister?  
  
Gourry whines for more food. I never know what to think about the blond swordsman. Sometimes his stupidity seems genuine, but there are times that I feel somethings hiding in there...  
that he only pretends to have an IQ less than a rock. I wonder why he hides his intelligence. I'm sure he's fairly smart, just extremely forgetful. The times he  
looks at me and I can swear he understands my situation with Amelia. After all, he is in a same one. Sylphiel may not be as clingy or outspoken, but she has the same  
level of infatuation as Amelia. Gourry...do you really not understand what's going on around you? Or do you hide it, pretending to be something less as to not draw  
attention?   
  
I'm not sure about Gourry, either.  
  
Now...the last member of our ragtag group. He sits a table away, quietly sipping tea and watching us. Xelloss, what are you really after? Lina, of course, but you  
could have done that long ago. No, you're after something else. Another one of us, perhaps? I wish it were me. But would you want me if asked? I doubt it. You  
are Mazoku, no matter how human you look. Everyone thinks I hate you. No, I hate loving you. You make me feels things I haven't before, things I'm not sure I like.  
You may never return my feelings, but I can hope. I hate hope. It makes you wish for a better tomorrow even when it isn't. I continue staring at you. You notice my  
gaze, and my blue eyes meet your purple ones. Your eyes are open. I wonder why? You hold my gaze, a bird caught in a snake's trance. You smile, a slow sensuous one,  
and close your eyes again, your attention turned back to Lina. My heart beats in my chest, like a wild bird in a small cage. I manage to keep my outer composure by  
pure will. What had you meant by that smile? Could it be that you return at least some of my feelings, if jsut only the lustful ones? No, I can't allow myself to hope.  
I can't...a gloved hand slides along mine and a piece of paper falls into my palm. I look up to see Xelloss talking to Lina, happy mask in place. Heart fluttering and mouth  
dry, I slowly unfold the note and read it.  
  
"Dear Zelgadis,  
  
Meet me outside the inn at the fountain later this night.  
  
Xelloss"  
  
I lick my dry lips, and force my face to keep it's neutral expression. I crumble the note and cast a tiny fireball spell to incinerate the note to ashes. Even you want nothing,  
Xelloss, I will come. Maybe, just maybe, I can finally hope for a rainbow after the rain. I am a fool for hoping, but I will come. I am a idiot.  
  
Idiots...  
  
That's all we are.  
  
AN: Kinda depressing....man, that's all I write. BUt don't worry, I'll write the third and final installment of my little series thingy. Yep, it will be all sugar and sap!  
Bring toothpaste! 


	3. Finally

Finally  
By Shimegami  
Warnings: Yaoi, sappy stuff  
Disclaimer: Not Mine. Don't sue.  
AN: The last installment of this....thing I've been writing. I think I'll go sniff more sharpies and write more to "Little German in Big Tokyo".  
  
Finally  
  
Zelgadis stood by the fountain, mouth dry, and hands twitching. It wasn't quite midnight yet, so there was still time...no! he must be strong, he wasn't  
going to back out of this. He would see this through, not matter what the consequences.  
  
"Oiya oiya, I didn't expect you to come."  
  
That voice. It always taunted him, always had a hint of something more. Zelgadis turned to see Xelloss sitting on the fountain ledge, eyes open and  
glittering with something unknown. Zelgadis swallowed the lump that appeared in his throat. God, he wanted Xelloss. BUt he couldn't let his feelings show.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
Xelloss merely grinned and replied truthfully. "You."  
  
Zelgadis felt the blush hit his face full force. He wondered if someone could tell his original face color was blue. He was suprised that he didn't blush purple.  
He swallowed again, the lump too big and his mouth too dry. Trying to force his body obey him, Zelgadis attempted to speak.  
  
"Do-do you really? Or is this just some sick joke of yours?"  
  
Xelloss stopped smiling, his face deathly serious. "No, it's not some sick joke. I really want you, for all your....you-ness." Xelloss winced, that  
was bad. Normally he was excellent with words, but this setting, and the obvious willingness of the subject of every single wet dream he had had since this assignment,  
all made for a rather flustered Mazoku.  
  
Zelgadis blinked. He could swear Xelloss was a bit flustered. But no, this was Xelloss. How could he get flustered? Zelgadis decided that his mind was playing  
tricks on him. "So...what do you REALLY feel, Xelloss? Oh, why am I asking? Even if all you felt was lust, I'd still go with you."  
  
"I...well, you see.......uh..." Correction: Xelloss WAS flustered. It was all very strange. Xelloss, flustered? By him? Next thing he knew Amelia would renounce  
world peace, Lina would become the poster girl for human virtue, and Gourry would recite Shakespeare.  
  
"Is this a dream? Because if it is, the first thing I'm going to do when I wake up is strangle you."  
  
Xeloss calmed himself and stood up. Swiftly crossing the distance between them, he reached out and grabbed Zelgadis's chin. Tilting it up softly, Xelloss whispered softly.  
  
"It's no dream. At least I think so. If it is, you have my permission to strangle me."  
  
Zelgadis couldn't help it, he smiled. Xelloss looked at him with surprised amusement. "You're smiling, Zelgadis-san!"  
  
Yes, he was. In fact, he couldn't stop. It seemed too odd, here he was, with Xelloss, living out one of his fantasies. Zelgadis's eyes fluttered closed and he  
sighed happily. If it was a dream, he didn't care. All he cared about was that Xelloss was here, and Xelloss cared about him in at least one way. Definately  
happy. He didn't open his eyes as Xelloss ran his fingers over Zelgadis's face, as if memorising every curve, every pebble, every disticntion that set his face  
apart from others. Xelloss in fact didn't know what he felt. All he knew was that he was feeling something new for Zelgadis and it felt good and painfully  
sweet. He was perfectly content to just stand here forever. Suddenly Zelagdis's eyes snapped open, and he grabbed the back of Xelloss's head and pulled it down,  
kissing him a bit forcefully. Xelloss froze in shock, then relaxed and melted into the kiss. His arms snaked their way around Xelloss's shoulders, holding him close.  
He felt Xelloss's arms around his waist, and pressed his body against the Mazoku's, going for as much bodily contact as possible. They broke off the kiss gasping for   
air. Zelgadis rested his head against Xelloss's chest, not breaking any other contact. "Finally..." He breathed.  
  
"Finally what?" Xelloss asked, resting his own head on top of Zelgadis's.  
  
"Finally one of my dreams is coming true."  
  
Xeloss chuckled, the rich voice sending shivers down Zelgadis's spine and the vibration causing his whole body to feel warm.  
  
"Mine too, little one. Mine too."  
  
They stood there for a long time, not speaking, not moving, simply feeling the other's presence. The same thought echoed happily between them.  
  
Finally...finally we can hope.  
  
~Oware~  
  
AN: Well, I don't think that's up to my original standards, but it's sappy. That's all I care about, especially since I've been in a depressed funk since  
writing my Weiss Kreuz fic "It's Too Late". There.....I'm a bit happier now. 


End file.
